Saturday, 12 March 2011
8:15 pm | 
Posted by
Amy
So this is something that has irked me for awhile now but has come to a head today.
Why do men get congratulated for looking after their own children??
So Jase has a lot of late work nights and work trips away where I am left juggling the two kids, the farm and my own job. In return, I get a weekend about once a month where I can go off to a big horse competition or training days and have some me time. This weekend was one such weekend. But one of our friends had their one year old's birthday party - I RSVP'ed for the girls and Jase, and told him he would be taking the kids along. I walked the shops to find the perfect gift, I wrapped it and I wrote the card. I got up to the girls that morning, I fed them breakfast and then I headed off. I was only gone about five hours - when I got home, Jase dashed out to do some errands leaving me the girls, and he was gone before I had even got the horse back in the paddock or even brought my stuff inside, let alone managed to have a shower. I then fed the girls lunch and read them books whilst I lay on the floor too sore and tired from my showjumping lesson to move much.
But you know what? My female mummy friends raved to me the day before all this, how wonderful and brave Jase was to bring the girls alone to this party. Brave?? I have taken the girls to multiple events and kids parties by myself - no one called me brave for bring my own kids. Not only that but Jase received compliments at the party from people for doing it solo. But no one congratulated my dear friend who was there alone with her two kids (roughly same age as ours) as her husband has just flew out for his next six week stint working overseas in the mines, even though she was struggling with an infection and feeling terrible.
And then (!) I got a text message this evening from the host, saying that she hoped it wasn't condescending but that Jase deserved hubby of the year for going with the two kids as Bronte had been unsettled. Gosh I have never had to deal with Elka out whilst Bronte is being unsettled?!
At this point I had downed a glass of wine and was feeling a little indignant. I texted back that that was nice of her to say, but in my household I expect nothing less from my husband.
Seriously, I can't be the only mother that thinks the father of the children should be able to care for them without fanfare??
Why do men get congratulated for looking after their own children??
So Jase has a lot of late work nights and work trips away where I am left juggling the two kids, the farm and my own job. In return, I get a weekend about once a month where I can go off to a big horse competition or training days and have some me time. This weekend was one such weekend. But one of our friends had their one year old's birthday party - I RSVP'ed for the girls and Jase, and told him he would be taking the kids along. I walked the shops to find the perfect gift, I wrapped it and I wrote the card. I got up to the girls that morning, I fed them breakfast and then I headed off. I was only gone about five hours - when I got home, Jase dashed out to do some errands leaving me the girls, and he was gone before I had even got the horse back in the paddock or even brought my stuff inside, let alone managed to have a shower. I then fed the girls lunch and read them books whilst I lay on the floor too sore and tired from my showjumping lesson to move much.
But you know what? My female mummy friends raved to me the day before all this, how wonderful and brave Jase was to bring the girls alone to this party. Brave?? I have taken the girls to multiple events and kids parties by myself - no one called me brave for bring my own kids. Not only that but Jase received compliments at the party from people for doing it solo. But no one congratulated my dear friend who was there alone with her two kids (roughly same age as ours) as her husband has just flew out for his next six week stint working overseas in the mines, even though she was struggling with an infection and feeling terrible.
And then (!) I got a text message this evening from the host, saying that she hoped it wasn't condescending but that Jase deserved hubby of the year for going with the two kids as Bronte had been unsettled. Gosh I have never had to deal with Elka out whilst Bronte is being unsettled?!
At this point I had downed a glass of wine and was feeling a little indignant. I texted back that that was nice of her to say, but in my household I expect nothing less from my husband.
Seriously, I can't be the only mother that thinks the father of the children should be able to care for them without fanfare??
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About Me
- Amy
- I am 30 years old, am a microbiologist with a PhD and love looking after my little farm. I compete in dressage and showjumping with my horses. I have a passion for shopping and a weakness for pretty clothes, shoes and handbags. My husband and I have a gorgeous toddler called Elka and a little bub named Bronte. I am a mother who works and has a career - just don't call me a "working mother". I don't do inside hobbies and craft and have only successfully sewn two things in my life that weren't ripped horserugs. The scientist in me makes me a little cynical and I am more likely to tell you about my life and events then give you a pretty polaroid style picture and an inspiring quote. Not for everyone but I have a bad memory and blogging is my way of recording life :)
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Spech and I
14 comments:
OMG!! I'm hearing ya!! I feel the same way. We onle have one daugther and she's 18 months old but my husband takes her out by himself as often as he can AND after Christmas last year Daycare was closed for a week so he was a stay at home dad. What's the big deal?! It's their kids too and if the mum can do it why not the dad!!
Good on ya:-)
Good on you Amy for speaking up!
I was recently telling a co-worker that how once our baby is outside of my body I am booking in regular appointments that are my "me" days. Time for things like hair colouring, massage, waxing etc. Basically a day to myself where I can do whatever I wish and Bri gets to look after the baby.
My co-worker was astounded that I would do such a thing to Brian, as 'he shouldn't have to do that after working all week'. Riiiight, because my week of being a single parent due to my husband and childs father working statewide, is just a walk in the park? And because he had nothing to do with US having a child?
Some people are weird.
hahahaha this is awesome. I would/am expecting nothing less from Pete either! Of course currently he would love to be the stay at home dad (which I suspect might change come august ;)).
I just got thanked by said delightful husband for putting the dishwasher on (with a distinct element of suprise). So I guess I too have had a 'brave' morning.
Haha love it Amy, we have this argument all the time. Andrew an't possibly duck out with the 3 kids or do this or that with the 3 kids...Umm wth not, i do it every bloody day all by myself with zero help and zero break!
Its sad that woman still think this way really to be honest!
Oh yes. I hear you. Along the same lines in when fathers are referred to as 'babysitting' their kids. Their OWN kids. I REFUSE to let ANYONE use that term (my own family or other families/fathers).
What did Jase say - I hope he DIDN'T lap it up ;)
Love this post and it is so true. I am glad you spoke up as well.
I can't understand this mindset either. I think it must be a combination of mothers in-law and the husbands themselves of people who think it's radical and very cool of the guy to do this. I say there isn't enough of it!!
Great post.
Nicely said! Isn't it funny how it's usually other women who are guilty of these double standards? What happened to the sisterhood?
Gee wow sounds so familiar! My husband took our 4 kids away for a weekend while I went away with the girls. He was SUPERDAD apparently! But when he used to go away for a week at a time for work I just had to get on with it. No accolades for me of course!
Oh gosh Amy I know exactly what you mean, good on you for speaking up!
Whenever I have gone away Mark gets multiple dinner and excursion invitations from family and friends, like he can't handle looking after Spence on his own? Whenever he goes away I hear nothing, I'm obviously the only capable person in the house.
Oh, I so agree!
Luckily, my husband feels exactly the same way - especially since he basically house husband while I'm studying fulltime this year.
That said, *I* find taking both my boys to a birthday party absolutely exhausting. So far I have been the only parent who has been at a party without a spouse (we have only been to parties of other kids form mothers group so far) and I HAVE been congratulated! Perhaps they are surprised I can manage! lol
Ooh yes! I hear you loud and clear on this one! Damo is wonderful - helps out as much as he is able, but I always feel that I'm doing more. This weekend I put my foot down and didn't organise any dinners, and told both Damo and my sister (who lives with us at the moment), that I wasn't cooking. You know what? I ended up cooking on each night and it ended up being 'quick' meals (tonight was mac and cheese) because nothing got organised. No shopping was done either so we are running low on quite a few things and are out of everything.
I'm like you - I work full time, I have other commitments (more than Damo actually) so why do I end up doing more?
I do have it better than some though - one of the mums in my mother's group actually had her hubby complain because he had to 'babysit' his own daughter - I'm sorry, but you don't 'babysit' your own kids!
Sorry for the rant - this is one of my pet peeves at the moment too.
Hope you had a great weekend regardless. :)
I hear you!
Justin is a fire fighter so works four on, four off. Hence he is around a lot and hands on with our kids. So many people congratulate him and tell me how lucky I am. Yes, I am lucky...but so is he having me around!
Whenever we hang out with Justin's mates he expects me to be really, really grateful for how he parents as he really is a lot more hands on than a lot of other dads we know...but I would expect nothing less of him. Yes, darling hubby, you do a great job...but so you bloody well should!
Love this post :)
My husband gets extremely offended when I pop out somewhere and one of our friends or family members happens to visit him (alone at home with our 2 year old son) and says somthing along the lines of "Ohh, daddys babysitting is he"? Before we even began trying for our son we were both very verbal and honest about what we expected from eachother and how much we both wanted to be involved and I found that upon actually asking my husband his opinion on the "steriotypical father role" he was uninterested in following suit. Everything we do is 50/50 when it comes to our son, our family life and our home life and my husband has reaped nothing but benifits from it. The relationship he and my son share, I am certain, has been made that much stronger by sharing not just the "shiny set up" moments but also the potentially mundane tasks like feeds and nappy changes. The benifits to our relationship as a couple are also extremely visible to both of us when compared to those in our social circle with less balanced roles.
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