Love, bubs and life on our little farm

Just something I was musing over today whilst driving Elka to a play centre date (which was SO fun!).

I saw a discussion on Facebook where a girl had done one of those quizes which was "What is your ideal weight" (are you already seeing issues - who wants Facebook's opinion on that really!?) and the answer was obviously a weight much less than she was and she commented on how that made her feel crappy. Now her friends had reassured her with comments - like oh no you would be skeletal at that height/weight comments and "I was that weight and I am shorter than that and everyone told me I was too thin etc".

What caught my eye was that she was shorter than me and the "ideal weight" suggested for her was actually a couple of kilo's more than I weigh. So technically I am way under my own "ideal weight" (as according to the exact science that is Facebook of course). So why did I try on no less than three pairs of jeans this morning and finally despaired that all of them made my backside look ginormous and stalked out feeling frumpy?

Why are we so damn unfair on ourselves? I KNOW I am not fat - hell I am the lightest I have ever been as a teenager/adult and people have started greeting me with comments like "Oh Jase isn't feeing you enough". (I hope this doesnt sound eating disorderish - I promise you I am eating - I have just dropped some weight with going back to work/running after a toddler). So if I am supposedly my ideal weight and most definitely am a lot of other people's ideal weight - why can't I just be happy in my jeans?

What makes me sad is that I spent high school feeling like a huge lump - I was an athlete trained in spriting and a highly competitive horse rider, as fit as a non-professional sportsman could ever be, yet I always felt big. I look back at photos and shake my head - I had a great bod! What a waste of all that negative emotion. I am a lot kinder on myself now - that comes with being older, wiser and more comfortable in myself but as I have described above not always.

I am quite sure I not alone in these stupid wasteful emotions. Its so hard being a woman. You know the other day - I caught my reflection whilst wearing some tight jodpurs and knee high riding boots and I thought "Wow I LOVE how my legs look, best they ever have I reckon!". But do you know, one hour later in the same outfit, I passed the same reflection and thought "uurggh
I wish I was taller and more willowy". Gee I need a good forehead slap sometimes.

So I think I need to do myself a favour and start listening to the good voice and try to tune out that bad one for awhile. 'Cause otherwise I am worried that just like in high school, I wont appreciate what I have until its gone....