Love, bubs and life on our little farm

I am not a huge fan of Valentines Day. Although, I was a hopeless romantic in High School, I think I mooched and wallowed my way into realism at university. That and the fact that I have an amazing relationship where we show love everyday and don't need someone to tell us what day to do it. I get very spoilt with flowers - I get them alot :) and I don't really like chocolate... and my hubby has bought me numerous diamonds and little blue boxes full of bling. Plus we have date night where we cook delicious meals for each other most Saturday nights. Yep loved up, you don;t really need to hear it all :)

But in confession time - every Valentines day, I get this twinge of guilt. You know that Kate Miller Heike song "Caught in the Crowd"? Well that kind of captures my guilt about being a High School lemming over being a decent person.

In year 11 I think (?), I had a rose delivered to me in class on Valentines Day from a Secret Admirer. Now we had a rose delivery service set up at school for Vday but basically the only people really using it were the couples. So it was a big stir that someone had actually used it to deliver a true confession of "love"! I was more than a little thrown, I had absolutely no clue - I knew that my current crushes were not reciprocated at the time so that left well....anyone! I had to carry that rose around all day and home on my hour long bus trip and face all the stares and sniggers. Standing out in High School for anything was never really ideal was it - and well I felt singled out!

Now in hindsight as an adult - I should have felt flattered and even chuffed but no as an awkward teenager, really I was just embarassed. So fast forward a few days when it comes out to everyone in my year who the rose sender was - he revealed himself I guess realising that I wasn't asking questions or searching for him (rather pretending nothing had happened was my plan!). Now I didn't really know him - in my year but never in any of my classes bar one and I had never spoken one word to him. So I was pretty shocked when I was told who it was. What was worse - I was embarassed that it was him :( He had been picked on in past years and wasn't one of the more "popular" boys.

So I continued to ignore the situation (that was my approach to a lot of my love life in high school - hmm such a mature approach) and was actually ticked off by one of the "pretty and popular" girls for being rude to him by not acknowledging the gesture. Well did that make me feel 2 cm tall - if someone that most of us thought was pretty self-obsessed could say hey you are being shitty, then I was really being a horrible person wasnt I!

So days later, I rushed into an empty classroom where he was, mumbled some sort of brief thank you and raced away. I think they were the last (and only!) words I honestly said to him in the remaining 2 years of high school. I bet he was wishing he hadn't wasted his $10 on a rose for me forever after!

And I still feel rotten for it! If only I had thought more about his feelings and less about everyone elses opinions, then I would have been a decent person and thanked him for such a sweet gesture and maybe even been his friend. God high school was angst ridden wasn't it!

So yeah single red roses make me feel a little bit like a crappy person sometimes!

But you have to learn from your mistakes don't you.. and I try so hard to not judge people as an adult and to give everyone a fair go and a smile.

Enjoy your Valentines Day whatever shape or form or lack of celebration it might take!
xoxo