Tuesday, 20 July 2010

Old fashioned or not so much?

3:49 pm | Posted by Amy | Edit Post
I love reading Mamamia - Mia Freedman's blog. She does a great job of discussion interesting, fun and pertinent topics (in my humble opinion!).

This one really caught me.

"Does feminism have a place in weddings? Do women give it all up for the one day they want to be treated like a princess in a Disney movie? Did you have any modern touches at your wedding or was it traditional all the way?"

I am pretty non-traditional - I work despite having small children, not for the money but for my career. And despite being on maternity leave and therefore being full time at home currently, I don't do all the housework - as I have mentioned before I don't even know in which of my husbands clothes drawers are his socks and undies. We share housework and we share farmwork - I still did farmwork 36 weeks pregnant.
I have a great deal of respect for where feminism has gotten us. But I like to think these days that us Australian women don't have to fight for rights anymore etc, I just expect them. If salaries and numbers of women at the top tiers of careers increased, then I would be one happy non-traditional woman!

For my wedding - we did have a lovely princess-esque wedding. I did wear a big dress, we married in a little stone church and we put on a gorgeous reception at a winery. It had its traditional elements but now that I think back, I did add my non-traditional flavour. We married in a church despite being athesists but it was simply as it was the cheapest wet weather option (I have a knack of holding special events on days of insane rain downpours), and I was banned from talking at the meetings with the minister as I was so anti-Christian elements that Jase was worried I would put off the minister. We stripped the ceremony down to the bare minimum of "god mentions" and there was no way in hell I was uttering different vows to Jase so there was no "obey" in my vows.

I did wear a big dress but it wasn't white - it was gold and I had the highest spikiest gold and diamante stilletos on underneath (not that anyone could see them but they were there for me!). I didn't need to look virginal in anyway.

My father walked me down the aisle but did not "give me away". I was not "his" nor now am I "my husbands". My father walked me down and we met my mother - they gave me a hug and kiss and I walked to my husband-to-be's side. This was important symbolism to me at the time.

I did not change my name - I am a published scientist and I love my name and all that I have acheived under that moniker. My children have my husbands name and it confuses people no end. Jase is often referred to as Mr "my name" as people meet me first and just assume my last name is from him. I do not use Mrs - I use Ms or my PhD-earnt title of Dr.

We drove away from our reception in our own car - and we unloaded our wedding gifts from the car into our house before heading to our hotel. It was lovely and down to earth.

Did you add some non-traditional elements to your wedding?

5 comments:

Ange said...

we were very non traditional, we ran away and got married in Palm Cove, just the two of us :)

20 July 2010 at 4:55 pm
missea said...

We aren't getting married until next year, but we are not doing the usual speeches. We may have the best man say something, but probably it will just be my fiance and I getting up to thank everyone.

I will NOT be throwing a bouquet. There will be no fiance's head up my dress trying to take of that garter thingy.

I really enjoy reading your blog, by the way.

Jodi

www.missea.net

20 July 2010 at 5:51 pm
Mel said...

We started out on the traditional path that we thought our family and friends expected, but it wasn't what we wanted, so after already having booked everything and sent out the invites, we cancelled everything, sent out 'un-invitation' letters to everyone and had it our way - close family, 8 of our closest friends (4 couples), got married in the rose gardens opposite Old Parliament House in Canberra (public park), had our reception at our favourite restaurant - 1 table, 19 people, us in the middle, no dancing, no set speeches - anyone who wanted to give one could. The car was our car, and the Bridesmaids were my sisters and they were driven by my Mum in my parents car. My Dad did walk me through the garden, but he didn't give me away. Damo's Dad was standing where I would be, and both Dad's gave their commitment to support us in our future together and to honour the vows that we were goint to make to each other. We both chose our vows, and as atheists, there was no mention of God, and no mention of obeying (although at the time I did threaten Damo that I would promise to "Love, Honour and Ebay" - didn't do it on the day though). It was an awesome day, and we did it our way. We also did our Honeymoon our way - no tropical island or exotic getaway - we went caving in the Blue Mountains.

Although I have taken my husband's name, it wasn't because I felt that I had to - I wanted us to be 'couple' and that was my way of doing that - in no way was it expected, and he gave me the option to keep my name as I have quite a few credentials academically in my maiden name (which has caused some confusion when going for jobs since I did change my name), but not a PHD like yourself. I too love my career, and although I have two young children, I am back at work full time and loving being able to be both a mother and a career woman - I feel that I have better balance now in my life than I did when I was a SAHM. I love my children more than anything else in the world, and would quit work in a heartbeat if it was best for the kids, but I do love the arrangement that we have now and I think its good for them to have the variety as well. And here I am justifying my decisions! Isn't it sad that we have to justify anything that isn't considered the 'norm' or 'traditional'?

21 July 2010 at 8:32 pm
Amy said...

Thanks for your responses guys! Really interesting.

Angela - how romantic!

Missea - oh I hear you about the tacky garter!!

Mel - wow I had no idea about the "uninvitations" - that makes a great story,
And yes no need to justify you working - you are sounding so happy and so are the kids xo

22 July 2010 at 7:06 pm
Sarah said...

Lots of non-tradition in ours ... married on the beach. We stayed together the night before, had our photos done before the ceremony, walked down the aisle together, I didn't change my name, wore thongs and we didn't have a cake..... my in laws were not impressed!!!!!!!!

22 July 2010 at 9:30 pm

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Amy
I am 30 years old, am a microbiologist with a PhD and love looking after my little farm. I compete in dressage and showjumping with my horses. I have a passion for shopping and a weakness for pretty clothes, shoes and handbags. My husband and I have a gorgeous toddler called Elka and a little bub named Bronte. I am a mother who works and has a career - just don't call me a "working mother". I don't do inside hobbies and craft and have only successfully sewn two things in my life that weren't ripped horserugs. The scientist in me makes me a little cynical and I am more likely to tell you about my life and events then give you a pretty polaroid style picture and an inspiring quote. Not for everyone but I have a bad memory and blogging is my way of recording life :)
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